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the daily banana

Only in America

08.15.2003

God Bless America

The monkey interrupts the regularly scheduled post for this important political message:

I do not live in the state of California, nor will I be voting in the upcoming election due to the removal of Gray Davis. With that being said, I hearby state that I am endorsing the fellow candidate Mary Carey.

Before you judge her on her past as a porn star, please review her platform:

1. Legalize gay marriage in California. This will generate a tremendous amount of revenue for the state as a honeymoon destination.
2. Tax breast implants. From Beverly Hills alone, we should bring in millions in tax revenue. (Note: I am all-natural and I personally discourage the use of implants!)
3. Make lap dances a tax deductible business expense. This will help grease the wheels of business in California and stimulate our economy.
4. If IÌm elected Governor, I will wire the GovernorÌs Mansion with live web cams in every room. We will create a pay site, and all money collected will go toward reducing the deficit. Californians will get to see their government in action - literally! (Also, we will have people from around the globe helping to pay off our debt, so it doesnÌt all fall on the shoulders of Californians.)
5. I will create a ÏPorn for PistolsÓ program to take handguns off the streets. Dealing with the violence and injuries associated with handguns is a huge drain on our state's resources.
6. As Governor, I will recruit fellow performers from the adult video industry as ambassadors of good will. These ambassadors will be a great help to California when it comes to such things as negotiating rates for buying electricity from neighboring states.
7. I will coordinate the stateÌs unemployment and jury systems, so that anyone who applies for unemployment will instantly be called for jury duty. This will save California state and local governments millions of dollars, because we wonÌt have to pay for jury duty. It will also relieve those with jobs from the stress of serving on lengthy juries.
8. I will fight the federal government's attempts to harass the adult video industry. Adult video is an $11 billion industry that creates more than $23 million in taxes each year for the state of California. We can't afford to lose this tax base!

As you can see, Mary is no joke. Remember come election time, to vote early and often. God Bless America!
Posted by monkeyinabox ::: |