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the daily banana

Concerning Witches



Information is always a good thing in this day and age, but certain information on certain days like, say, oh Halloween, is very important:

How To Recognize A Witch

There are three ways to recognize a witch and if you pay attention, you might make it through the day just fine. The basic fact is that all witches are women. Sorry, to all you masculine people who are witch trapped in a man's body, but it doesn't work that way.

First, all witches wear gloves. Whether it is summer or winter, a witch will always be wearing gloves to conceal her nasty curvy claws.

Second, all witches are bald. It doesn't count if you've shaved your head or had chemotherapy. A real witch is just bald, but will you notice this when she covers her baldhead with a first-class wig? Perhaps not, but if you notice a lot of scratching (because even those first-class wigs get itchy) then you might have a witch on your hands.

Next, all witches have slightly larger nose-holes. This is how they track down the smelly little children that they despise, because to witches little children smell like dog's droppings, so that makes them easy to find, unless they are very dirty and haven't taken a bath in quite some time.

Finally, all witches have square feet. Yep, there's no little piggies going to the market on witches’ feet. They are pretty crafty in how they can squish those square feet into regular shoes (even ones with pointed toes), but they can.

Oh wait, I almost forgot one more thing. Their spit is blue. This can cause a slight discoloration to the teeth and tongue. Of course Witches never spit.

This of course is just information, and what you do with it is up to you and only you. But if you happen to see a lady with gloves on, scratching her head with slightly blue teeth, you better run.

Posted by monkeyinabox ::: |


Pauly D said:

I just have to say that I continue to love to listen to this post in HI-FI.

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