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the daily banana

The Nightmare After Turkey Day That Never Happened


Better to just stay in bed

Pushing and shoving are one thing. The Day After Thanksgiving Sale is another. Every year they start earlier. Every year the people shopping are more frantic to get the limited quantity deals. Every year the day after sales can be described as bad, but this year was truly a nightmare.

It's a good thing Thanksgiving day is filled with endless snacking of chips and dips, dips and chips, and more chips. Parades a plenty grace the television screen, football and that's also when the onslaught of After Thanksgiving Sale advertisements are blasted nonstop for the real Main Event tomorrow morning, nice and early. Plenty of food and and early dinner time, make for an early bed time.

At 4:00am the alarm blasted. At that point it's all a blur: shower... eat... coffee... shave... shower.. dress.. coffee... it's hard to say what really happened. It's an early morning blurry drive to Wal-Mart for the 5:00am sale. Let me say that again, 5:00am sale. Who in their right mind actually wants to shop at 5:00am? Not me. Or actually, who wants to stand in line at 4:30am to shop at 5:00am? Ha ha ha %$@#& yeah right. The pushing and shoving had already began.

People cursing under their steamy breath. Arms waving as people cut in line to supposedly saved spots, or edging anyway they could to get closer and closer to the front of the line and the soon to be opened front doors. Then it hit. 5:00am. The doors were unlocked and the line lunged forward. Forget saying hello back to the always smiling greeter (even at 5:00am), forget anything except for THE PLAN. Now, if you don't have a plan when you hit a 5:00am After Thanksgiving Sale, then you might as well go home and back to bed. Hit the electronics department and get there before everyone else. Now, on a regular shopping day at Wal-Mart you can expect some rudeness if there is a particular item many people want. However, when you do this at the 5:00am After Thanksgiving Sale, you can throw all the rules out the window. It's almost like Dennis Leary taught a bunch of cranky 3-year olds. MINE!, GIMME!, and BITCH! were frequently heard expressions as you pushed and shoved yourself toward the $79.86 portable DVD players, 15" LCD TVs and Garth Brooks box sets. Those people might be described as little old ladies, but when they elbow you in the nose and take the $48.88 Gameboy Advance out of your hands. At least there were plenty of $3.44 DVDs to grab. Who doesn't like seeing second-rate action flicks again and again?

Speaking of action, normally pushing a shopping cart through Wal-Mart is an experience. They usually make the aisles narrow enough that you can barely squeeze a cart past another person, maybe another cart if you close your eyes and run like hell, but at the 5:00am After Thanksgiving Sale it's a whole different ball game. You need to point and push hard. You may have to run over people's feet (ttake that! little old lady), fallen victims, or small children (who the hell brings small children to a 5:00am After Thanksgiving Sale anyway?

Next target was the toy department, with $8 light sabers, $5 Care Bears and mermaid Barbie Dolls. In the toy department you can always expect it to be nasty, because it's loaded with parents. When parents shop for Christmas presents, they can sometimes lose sight of reality or ration. Their kid wants something and they are going to get it or someone is going to pay. Grab and run, grab and run. MINE!, GIMME!, and SONOFABITCH! were the phrases of choice once again. With luck it's possible to make it out with the goods you went in for and no broken fingers.

All of this happened fast. Not even in real-time, but in a speeding blur, because while this was the 5:00am After Thanksgiving Sale, Target held the 6:00am After Thanksgiving Sale and there was more fun to be had. More lines to pay. More evil looks and mumbled curses. More MINE!, GIMME!, and ASSHOLE!.

This was truly a nightmare. Really. That's what happens when you have a 24-hour flu and spend 20 hours in bed pumped full of Nyquill. While that wasn't fun, it wasn't a nightmare and for that, I am thankful.

Posted by monkeyinabox ::: |


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