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the daily banana

Got Your 61" Plasma TV For The Big Game Yet?


so close, yet so far away

Have you got yours yet? I got mine. Last night at the Costco store, there it was, the 61" HDTV Ready Plasma TV for a mere $8,999.99 (note to self, if it had been $9,000.00 I would have balked in a second). There was a palette of these massive TVs in their massive boxes. I guess that's because everyone these days has $8,999.99 to drop on a TV.

Did I say this TV was massive? Well, it wasn't as massive as the 73" TV that cost less, but I wasn't going to settle for second best. I wanted the best, and the best had to cost the most, right? There were other 61" TVs that were half the price, but they must have been of lesser quality, and when you are going for the big TV, you need the best right? Now, before you ask why, remember, this is America and this weekend is the Big Game. You know, the Big Game where you sit you Big butt on your Big sofa and eat a lot of High calorie junk food, while watching your Big TV. There are rules for these sort of things, and you can't break them simply because you have a whim this way or that.

Getting back to the massive tv, and getting in on the flat-bed shopping cart (you know you can't do real damage at Costco without the flat-bed shopping cart). After loading the TV, I headed for the checkout line. Now is probably the point where you might be asking how I am going to drop $8,999.99 without blinking an eye. Well, a few weeks ago, one of those fake plastic credit cards arrived in the mail. Was it made out to me? Well, sort of, it was made out to! Yep, this website was going to pay for the TV. How is that you ask? Do I have banner ads? Nope. Do I sell merchandise? Nope. It's all about street cred. Well, at least that's what I figured.

However, I figured wrong when I went to pay. PURCHASE DENIED. Dang nab it. No 61" HDTV Ready Plasma TV for me. I guess that $8,999.99 price wasn't as trivial as I thought. I was down, but not out yet. What to do? I wanted, no, I NEEDED that Big TV experience for the upcoming Big Game. Then it hit me. Binoculars. Yep, good old-fashioned binoculars. After, leaving the check stand I went back to look around the store for the solution to my problem. These binoculars looked good, because anything with a free laser light included can't be all bad.

Now, you might be asking how this binocular thing is supposed to work, so I'll tell you. The binoculars are 7x, and I already have a scrawny 27" TV. With the binoculars I end up with a 189" Mega Screen TV! Sure, it might not be HD Ready, but I don't have HD TV, and it sure works well with my existing entertainment cabinet.

The only problem I have left is how to eat chips and dip while I'm holding the binoculars. I've got some time left to figure it out, but please send in your suggestions. Are you ready for the Big Game yet?

Posted by monkeyinabox ::: |



Thanks for the tip! I was going to get penile implants, but now I can just give my girlfriend a set of binoculars!

As to the chip-n-dip dilemma, my suggestion is to puree them together in a blender and pour them into some empty beer cans, so you can suck them out of a Thirst Aid Helmet. In fact, I guess you could just blend the beer right in there as well, for a completely hands-free snacking experience.

monkeyinabox said:

Ahhhhh... the Thirst Aid Helmet! How could I forget that wonderful invention? Looks like all my problems are solved!

Jake said:

I suggest just duct-taping them to your head. Or jury-rig a tripod to hold them.

And you do realize that Costco doesn't take credit cards, right? Unless it's American Express (which I'm considering getting just so I can buy the big s**t at Costco).

Meanwhile, I'm here at work, and will bringing a TV downstairs to my office so I can watch the game.

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