Thirteen Christmas Sweaters A-knitting

Well, we are finally past the first twelve traditional days of Christmas. Of course I cheated and started them early because I wanted to get to the more relevant ones of modern times. You know, modern times, with fast food, video games, iPods, and all the other sorts of things that are considered gifts these days.

Sweaters A-knitting. Just think back to when you were young. How many sweaters were knitted for you when you were little? How many were ugly? When did you stop getting them? Before you answer me, I'll butt-in and give the answers:

Too many.

Too many.

When I turned thirteen.

Yes, they usually are ugly and plentiful, and sometimes people wear them because they really do like them. Even worse, sometimes it's hard to even throw them in the trash:

Years ago, when I was a teenager, I knit my brother Dave a sweater. It was in a god-awful bright blue acrylic I bought at Kmart. Knitted in a cable and rib pattern. Not a bad-looking pattern but the heinous yarn makes the sweater heinous.

My brother still has that sweater. Thirty-odd years later.

It's got fuzzies and pulls and snags all over it. It's matted in places with cat hair embedded in where Dave's old tomcat used to sleep on it. But it's in surprisingly good shape with no unraveling or holes.

In the event of a nuclear holocaust we ought to have bomb shelters knitted from Kmart acrylic.

Believe it or not, not only does he still have it, but Dave still wears that sweater.

A few years ago, his wife went on a campaign to get rid of the sweater. It offends her delicate sensibilities. Dave adamantly refused. "My sister knit this for me," he'd explain patiently to her.

Yes, they were given to you as gifts. Oh, how hard it is to give away, re-gift, or toss something handmade like sweater. You could either wear it, and hide your face, or stuff it in the back of your closet where you soon would notice that your sweater collection was growing. Growing like the mold on your last-years holiday cheese ball from Hickory Farms.

So, why did it stop at thirteen? Well, if you were a typical kid, by the time you were thirteen you were officially a teenager and knew better. Well, you thought you knew better. You could now speak up and bravely proclaim, "Give me NO more sweaters!".

Did it work? Probably not, but at least you tried. So, maybe you do have more than thirteen and maybe you still get more these days. At least in your older and wiser ways you know that a donation to the thrift store is tax deductible. And nothing says Holly Jolly at tax time next year when you itemize your priceless sweater donation.

So, yes, knitted sweater insanity runs rampart throughout the holidays. It's worse than fruitcakes, don't even get me started. With the useful advice you learned here today, you might be able to do something about it. If not, just remember, Christmas only comes one time a year and so do the Christmas sweaters.

strauss said:
Mrs CEO said:
Herbert said: