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the daily banana

Twenty-One Ways To Shoot Your Eye Out

12.21.2006

You'll shoot your eye out

You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!

Ever since A Christmas Story became a modern Christmas classic, it's been hard to deny that "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!" is a damn good reason to not get a Red Ryder BB gun:

12 reasons that A Christmas Story is a modern Classic!

12: "Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra"
11: "Don't forget to drink your Ovaltine"
10: "Nadafinga!!"
9: Ralphie's pink bunny outfit
8: Scut Farkus' yellow eyes
7: "Fuuuuuuuudddggee"
6: "Randy...how do the little piggies eat?"
5: "Fra-Gi-Le...it must be Italian"
4: "Where's the glue?" "We're out of glue!" "You used up all the glue on purpose!!"
3: "I triple-dog dare ya!"
2: "Alright, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in" ...
and, of course, the #1 reason: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"

So, when I saw this spoof on TV I about died:

So, even if you won't get a Red Ryder BB gun, or a cell phone, there are still plenty of reasons to pray for coal:

In the last year alone, some eight million units of toys were recalled in the U.S., according to W.A.T.C.H., a toy-safety advocacy group. But Kool Toys and Polly Pockets are kids' stuff compared to the hazardous baubles of yesteryear. In the spirit of the holidays, Radar presents the 10 most dangerous toys of all time, those treasured playthings that drew blood, chewed digits, took out eyes, and, in one case, actually irradiated. To keep things interesting, we excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm.

Of course Lawn Darts are the classic evil, bad, dangerous toy. Of course by all accounts I should de dead, since I played with them, but I guess since I must have had enough common sense that's why I'm still alive today.

Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved.

Think of all the things that you were hurt with when you were a kid. Smashed a finger with a hammer? No tools for Christmas presents. Choked on food? No food for Christmas presents. Choked on coins? No money for Christmas presents. Hurt on your bicycle? No bicycles for Christmas presents. Think about it, almost everything could possibly be a dangerous present. Pencils in the eye, tacks in the foot, scissors fallen on, knives stabbed into, guns shooting you, bombs & explosives blowing stuff up. Yep, keep it simple and safe. Pillows and socks.


Posted by monkeyinabox ::: |

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