In Hiding? Perhaps, And Maybe I Should Stay There

Okay, I know it's still five months off, but I have reasons to stay in hiding. Yes, the Bigfoot Field Research Organization is heading to Central Oregon. Why should I care? says you. Well, I am tall, I am hairy and I have big feet. Yes, I've even been called Bigfoot before. Sure, fill out a report and turn me in if you feel the urge, but first let me plead my case for just leaving me alone.

There are a dozen reported sightings listed in Central Oregon, the most recent in June 2005, and almost 200 in Oregon.

You would think the numbers would be higher. I mean, I've worked in retail, been in numerous parades in town, and generally gone out during the day. Maybe most people don't think that Bigfoot would drive a car, or wear a hat. I think the issue is really one of denial. Most people don't want to admit that they've seen Bigfoot, because, quite frankly, most people will think they were just plain nuts.

So many times in my life, I'll be out and about. Small children will look up and stare. They'll tug on their parents pants and say, "Mommy look at him". Most parents will say it's not polite to point and shuffle their children on their merry way. Little do they know they've just encountered Bigfoot in the flesh. Maybe they do, but then remember what their friends will think of them if they say anything. Better to keep quiet and move along.

Participants are allowed to retain their own photos, videos, footprint casts, "hair samples, etc."

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I am far less hairy than I used to be. Call it genetics, call it personal grooming, call it what you want, but there's just not enough hair around these days for me to pass out any samples. Sorry.

So is a May event in North Carolina, but if you'd like to join the crowd in Michigan's Upper Peninsula or northern Utah, those July expeditions still have room to register. And you can get on a waiting list for the Central Oregon expedition, if you'd like, in case there are dropouts.

Yes, the Central Oregon event is sold out. Do I need to actually say why I am a bit paranoid? Okay, fine, it looks like I do. So the average person will see Bigfoot and walk away shaking their head and thinking about what they really saw. Someone from the Bigfoot Field Research Organization's event paid $300 to find Bigfoot and bring back evidence and damn it, they will do whatever they need to. If you are a celebrity and think the paparazzi are a pain in the ass, just wait until you have Bigfoot hunters hounding you.

Stay in hiding? You bet. Get out of the city? Even better idea? Get out of the country? Sounds like a good idea for long-term peace of mind. Maybe some of the hair will come back.

Jake said:
strauss said: